December 15, 2010

Let the War begin

December 16 until recently was famous as a date when the Bangladesh War of Independence ended with the surrender of Pakistan and also a pretty chic but failure-at-the-box-office movie featuring Danny Denzongpa, Milind Soman and Dipanita Sharma. Its also a day when the nine-day celebrations culminating in Christmas begin. The day is also celebrated as the Sports day in Thailand.



But the sexy beaches of Phuket, Phang-Nga, Pattaya or Hat-Yai or the sports played therein would be the last thing on the minds of 44 white-flanneled gentlemen as they walk out to face the ultimate test of their lives; half of them at the WACA, Perth and the other half at the Supersport Park, Centurion.

Its the biggest day for Test Cricket in a long long time, a time that has been gobbled up by the street masala that was dished out in the form of short-cut T20 cricket or the IPL. The real spice now releases its aroma as the top four cricket teams lock horns. No 1 takes on No 2 at the latter's home while Number-3-on-an-upswing takes on a recently numbed No 4.




Graeme Smith and MS Dhoni will not be the best of friends as they walk out for the toss at Centurion, a stadium that gave the town its name! A confident Indian team takes on a strong home side South Africa. And the teams match up one-on-one against each other as well as the Indian proverb nehle-pe-dehla can describe.

While Smith and Peterson are not a patch on Sehwag and Gambhir, the middle order is where the muddle can happen. Amla, Kallis, de Villiers and Prince would like to see themselves supercede the experience and stardom that emanates from the names of Dravid, Tendulkar and Laxman and soon from Raina too!

While Mark Boucher can fight it out along with Paul Harris while batting, Dhoni and Harbhajan can put it past or over the fielders rather interestingly. And Bhajji can tweak it better than Harris is a decided fact.

While the consistent Morkel, Steyn and Tsotsobe on home turf appear better than a niggling Zaheer, a temperamental Sreesanth and a on-off Ishant, those moments of madness from any of the latter three could be enough to do permanent damage. 



A 60-40 upper hand to the hosts is what I predict but if those 40 are with perfect timing, then the hosts can forget getting back the top spot.


And while the first ball is bowled at the Centurion, it would past tea-time at the WACA, till recently regarded as the fastest pitch in the world. Whether Messers Anderson, Finn and Tremlett get to use the cherry first will be decided by the toss of an Australian Dollar, but even if Ryan Harris et al do get the kokkaburra in their hands first, its gonna be one-helluva-start, as Ian Chappel would proclaim, sniggerings from Sir Botham not withstanding. The Barmy Army needs their men to pick one win atleast from the three tests to extend the Urn's residence tenure.


Underneath those covers lies the key to the question whether the current England team would be the first ever to claim the Ashes even before the Boxing day test begins at Melbourne. While England field a rather settled outfit, barring just once change to bring in either Tremlett or Bresnan to replace an injured Broad; the Australian tabloids have been having a field day creating rumours and securing donations and raining voices to get Shane Blondie Warne out of retirement and reverse the fortunes of the Team Down Under before it sinks deep down under beyond recognition. Unfortunately, Blondie has been turning around Miss Hurley rather than practicing hurling down turners at the nets. So the Great Aussie Dream can remain just that, a dream, a wish, unfulfilled!



Ryan Harris must be familiar with the situation. At his IPL team Deccan Chargers, he was unsure which paceman would partner him. Vaas or Harmeet or whoever. He would never have imagined that donning the Baggy green, he would have been under a similar dilemma. Hilditch seems to be ditching Bollinger and Siddle and calling back Hilfenhaus and Johnson. And yeah, VB is not the only beer to be part of the Aussie line up for a change! Wildcard entrant Michael Beer must be hoping he does not get a debut so that he escapes the criticism! There is a possibility that considering Steve Smith is already in the side as a result of North's form which went southwards, Ponting might want to take in Siddle or Dougie to complete the line up. Remember, we are at the WACA. Under those covers, is all that matters. If there is juice in there, you get no Beer!

For those few Indians who appreciate real spice and not street masala, the show starts at 8AM IST at the WACA and goes on until 9PM IST at the Centurion. If its not being seen on TV, its being followed on Cricinfo!



The advertisers can show their Colgate smiles as they walk away to Axis Bank to deposit more money than you could have won at KBC. For those masala freaks, Feb-May 2011 is when the action is. For some crazy connoisseurs like me, the War begins in a few hours! 



December 04, 2010

The Mystery

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 17; the seventeenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Circa 2007. At 9.30PM, I get a call from from one railfan informing me that a white loco was spotted travelling towards HYB. We were at a cousin's place near NLRD. It took me precisely 5 minutes to get two of my cousins into my car and off we drove off towards HYB. Instead of wasting time on the platforms, we headed towards the Electric Loco Trip Shed.

Parked the car outside and trudged in. No sight of any white monster prowling. However, at a distance we did find some loco with shades of white. From afar it looked like a white loco, however the light was insufficient and the loco was far. So, we took a decision of trying to head to LKPL to see if it takes out 2721 or a special to Jodhpur scheduled for later. Or would it be a trial special?

Back to the car and off to LKPL a little more than two kilometres away. It was 2215hrs and there was a motley crowd of college students seemingly back from a movie. Seeing three grown up people getting worked  up about an impending train was making them curious. "Was it some really different train? Was some VIP travelling? If yes, what or who? If no, why were these three idiots getting so worked up?"

Ultimately at around 2235hrs, we heard the melodious tones in the distance. Eyes peering out into the distance. Ears intently listening. Ultimately, it was a bit of a disappointment to see the red WAP4 of Lallaguda scream away with the 2721. Even the amazing accelaration by the top notch LP could not console us! We were disappointed that the identity of the white monster remained unknown.

We had a last hope on the Jodhpur Special. However, as with all specials, it was unknown whether the IST would be followed. Anyways we decided to hang on. The departure from HYB was at 2300hrs. At around 2315hrs, we heard a distinctly different long tone. It was surely not the WAP4. Bated breath. Palpitating hearts. Peering eyes.

As the twin beam headlights neared, it became rather apparent that it was a roof mounted headlamp cluster and not a waist mounted. The loco did have white on it. But it was only a band. Sandwiched between red and blue.

The mysterious White Monster that should have been turned out to be a New Katni Jn 'Tigerface' WAG-7 # 27119 !! Disappointed at the outcome, but satisfied at the fun we had, we trudged back from LKPL!



The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

September 25, 2010

The 3 Idiot's Condom

Teacher: "What Is A Condom?"

Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hain

Teacher: "Aap Itna Muskura Kyu Rahe Ho?"

Aamir: "Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se Iccha Thi Ki Main Sex Education College Mein Padhu! Aaj Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai"

Teacher: "Zyada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai, Condom Ki Definition Bolo?"

Aamir: "Sir! Condom Is Anything Which Reduces Population"

Teacher: "Will U Plz Elaborate?"

Aamir: "Har Wo Cheez Jo Population Control Kare!"

"Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai, Condom Hai Na"

"Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak, Condom Hai Sir"

"Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire Hue Hai"

"8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh Tak, Sab Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai"

"1 Second Mein In, 1 Second Mein Out, In-Out, In-Out"

Teacher: "Arre… Defination Kya Hai?"

Aamir: "Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir"

Teacher: "Exam Mein Ye Sab Likhoge?"

"Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak! Idiot"

"Anybody Else??"

Chattur: "Sir!, Condom Are Between Any Combination Of Body So Connected, That Their Relative Positions May Be Seen In Kamasutra.."

Teacher: "Wah! Kya Baat Hai."

September 23, 2010

Hey Ram !


Every Tom, Dick, Harry, Sally and Moose are airing their views on what the Hon'ble Court's verdict on the Ayodhya dispute should be come Sep 24. Currently all the news channels are busy bashing Kalmadi, Fennel & Co, and very soon are gonna change tracks and run towards the land of God! So before they come up with their warped up news and views, here are mine.

My views are pretty well shown in the above sign. I'd prefer to have neither a temple nor a mosque at the disputed side. Build a completely free charitable multi-specialty hospital at the site catering to all religions and strata of the society. I'm pretty sure both Allah and Lord Rama will approve my designs!

I'm willing to come and work there if that happens...

September 21, 2010

September 14, 2010

How Jews got the Ten Commandments


 

God went to the Arabs and said,   " I have Commandments for you, that will make your lives better " 

The Arabs asked,   " What are Commandments   ?   Can you give us an example   ? "

God said,   " For example ........... Thou shall not kill " 

The Arabs were shocked,   " What   ?   Not kill   ?   No way   !   Killing and massacaring innocent people is our birth-right and the only reason for our existence.  No.  We are not interested "

So God went to the Africans and said,   " I have Commandments "

The Africans wanted an example.

God said,   " For example ........... Honor thy Father and Mother " 

The Africans were dismayed.  They said,   " Father   ?   Yo maan   !   Can't tell for sure, who our fathers are, maan   ! "

So God went to the Mexicans and said,   " I have Commandments " 

The Mexicans wanted an example.

God said,   " For example ........... Thou shall not steal "

The Mexicans were flabbergasted.  They said,   " No steal   ?   No steal   ???   Hey Senor, we no steal then how we live, huh   ?   Gracias, but no   ! "

So God went to the French and said,   " I have Commandments "

The French wanted an example.

God said,   " For example ........... Thou shall not commit adultery "

The French were stunned.  They said,   " What  ?    Not commit  ze  adultery ....... ?   Non, Non, Non.   Non Monsieur.   Pardonnez nous.   We  ze  French, must have ze romance "

So God went to the Jews and said,   " I have Commandments "

They asked,   " Commandments   ?    How much do they cost   ? "

God replied,   " They are free "

The Jews answered,   " Good.  We shall take Ten  !!! "


September 03, 2010

Techno-wish!

Indivine wants our imagination to go wild, so here we go!




No, not just a simple MP3/MP4 player. I envisage a wrist watch thats much much more!

  • A hidden pane which can be pulled out to be 4x6 inches in size for better viewing.

  • All features of a fast computer including receivers for Wi-fi 1Gbps high speed internet, real-time voice-guided video GPS and navigation showing realtime videos of any spot on earth. 

  • Enabled to connect 24x7 to the internet at high speeds for cloud computing eliminating the need for internal disk space. Connects to a centralised server which stores all data plus biometric personal information of the owner like Credit card, Bank details, PAN, UID, etc

  • Can be remote charged through a Bluetooth-enabled wireless plugin-in adapter which would fit into any electric socket.

  • Has two projectable sources, one of which (on side 1) can project a short range keyboard onto a flat surface, while the other (on side 3) high power projector acts as an LCD projector which can project on any wall, turning the device into a television, home-theatre, etc

  • Built-in Internet protocol television viewer cum recorder which can not only play but also record any program in the background on any channel at any time for viewing at a later date!

  • Hi-fi sound blasting speakers & microphone in-built (side 2)

  • The fourth side has a microwave projector which can emit microwave radiation of varying intensities and when dangled from a wall/roof mounted position onto any cooking utensil, can provide enough microwave energy to act like a regular convection microwave oven.

  • The microwave radiation would also act similar to radio waves, thereby acting as a short to medium range (2-5km) radio station of its own. Can be used as a communication device like a walkie talkie. 

  • The upper surface of course would be a full touch screen with the hidden pane of course!

  • The lower surface would be a one-point sensor for the human body and would contain a special plate which could detect all parameters of the body like Complete Blood picture, Blood Sugar, Blood pressure, Serum electrolytes, Blood gas analysis, Lipid profile, and work like an ECG monitor cum Pulse oximeter just by wearing it on the wrist.

  • The microwave radiation can also be used as a machine to stimulate a new type of technology which would replace conventional Computerised Tomography (CT Scan) and Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI). This will be a real time 4D video image and can be transmitted to the doctor's device within seconds along with other relevant medical vital statistics.

  • The microwave radiation would also be able to transmit screen image onto a paper or a transparency thus becoming a printer in its own right.

  • When it has soooo much, it also has a biometric fool proof individualised security system and goes into shut down mode as soon as it goes into unwanted hands. A second level of security blocks all personal details when in the hands of known family members allowing them use of selected features.

  • Ok, I just forgot.. it works as a video GSM/IP phone too, with that literally invisible DSLR high-res cam hidden behind the screen, which can also double up as a conventional cum barcode type specialised scanner !

Like the device? Vote for it HERE !!

Want more in the device? Comment downstairs!


August 23, 2010

Monday Evening Humour

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:


  • 2 litres of low fat milk

  • A carton of eggs

  • 2 litres of orange juice

  • A head of lettuce

  • Half a dozen tomatoes

  • A 500g jar of coffee

  • A 250g pack of bacon


As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, A drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."


The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.


She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to
her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"


The drunk replied, "Cos' you're ugly."

;-)



(Courtesy: Peshwa)

July 24, 2010

Late. Who?

The Congress says:

The resignation of Gujarat Minister Amit Shah has come too late.



I say:

Telescam Raja has still not put in his resignation!

July 12, 2010

Octopussy !



Ok, so the 'bigest' carnival for foot-faulters is done and dusted with. Now, Facebook can breath easy! Too much has been written about the enchanting Octopus, so be rest-assured you won't get a penny worth about the same here. The post title was just to lure you here. And since you are here, bear with the tirade.




Well, the annual Le Tour de France, the biggest cycling race spread over 3 weeks is on across the plains of France, the hills forming the Pyrenees and the mountainous Alps. Big Lance wants get his eighth Maillot Jaune (or the leader's Yellow Jersey!) in his new Brunyeel-coached Radioshack team, but Andy Schleck and Alberto Contador seem to have other ideas, Alexandre Vinoukourov not withstanding!




The Formula 1 season is heading for a superb second half. The first was dominated by the Red Bulls and the McLarens, but Ferrari, Mercedes and Renault all seem to having their armouries well-stocked and might explode anytime. It has been extremely heartening to see the progress made by the Force India team. They have been consistently scoring points this season, and who knows, might even fight for podiums and win as they did so well at Spa las year.




On the personal front, Vidip's started playschool last month, but just a week on, he promptly caught up some viral fever was holidaying home for two weeks. Today, he's back to biz!





Ok, I need to rant about our politicians. They need to do something about the Naxals. They have started to get completely unacceptable. The Sri Lankan government might have earned the world's wrath for the trouble to a few civilians, but in the process they removed the biggest weed which hampered the country. A few citizens of India are willing to be martyred if that helps in chucking the entire naxal issue. We cannot have our own countrymen, eating our own grown food, fighting for God-alone-knows-what. As if those bastards across the border were not enough. And along with the Naxals, even those politicians who support them MUST be weeded out. Na rahega baans, na bajegi baansuri. Its seriously high time someone acted. 

And yes, just to end it up nicely for all the crazy sports fans who were busy in June and July supporting Spain...



Kudos! Spain won.. Rafael Nadal conquered SW19 !!




July 09, 2010

Exercise for your non-existant brain


Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow
older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't
use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so......... Below is a
very private way to gage your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the
following test presented here and determine if you are losing it. OK, relax,
clear your mind and....... begin.


1. What do you put in a toaster?























> > The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread", go to
question 2.



2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?






















> > Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the
next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat.
It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more
appropriate such as "Children's World". If you said, "water" then proceed to
question three.



3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue
bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made
from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?





















> > Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks",
what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions?????
Dang..... If you said "glass", then go on to question four.



4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you
will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany
and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The
pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on
a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time
and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East
Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany
or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
























> > Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING
else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a
plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. ...... If you said,
"Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.



5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then
how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
























> > Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than
"one degree", you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are
obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room.
Everyone else proceed to the final question.



6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford
Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people
get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and
four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea,
three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get
off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of
the bus driver?





















> > Answer: Oh, for heaven sake! It was YOU ! Read the first line again!

So, how many did you get right??? BE HONEST!!!

July 01, 2010

Chuk-Chuk Videos

Folks, here are a few videos from a trip I made to Mumbai almost a month back!








And yep, Today July 1 heralds the introduction of the new railway time table. So, as always, here's the disclaimer. A lot of trains have minor adjustments made to their timings. So if you are travelling anytime soon, confirm the train schedule HERE before hand!

May 31, 2010

C'monwealth shames

Post Date: May 31st, 2010

100 days prior to the event.



Prediction source: Dad

Prediction: The 2010 Commonwealth Games scheduled in Delhi to be postponed.

click to zoom

Yes, you read it right. This is Dad's bhavishyavani. According to him, since the Games organising committee is way behind schedule in the construction of the stadia, inftastructure and the general development of Delhi as a city - with just 100 days to go for the event - and the works would not be completed given that the monsoon's just around the corner, the Government of India would postpone the event.

And the reason. According to Dad, there would be a bomb blast(s) in the capital or atleast a fake security threat which would be given as the reason for pushing back the event.

I do not know how far-fetched this seems, but I'm waiting to see if the bhavishyavani comes true!

May 29, 2010

Open Source


The winter went zipping past, and the summer's almost had its summit claimed. Chai Biskut is back when the monsoon should have been.

The past few months were not the most interesting, yet some of the nicest. The last 6-odd months have also been the longest I've lived without posting on the blog. I do read blogs everyday though :). Just to give you a peek as to what was on in the Chai Biskut world over these last six months.

November brought in a trip to Chennai and Bangalore. It was Vinodh's wedding reception in Chennai and the trip was made by me and my cousin Manish and we blessed Chennai with probably its best downpours in years. We took the 2604 'Sambhar Express' from Secunderabad to Chennai, could do nothing more than have breakfast and lunch at Saravana Bhavan till the late afternoon. Then Sridhar Joshi helped us get a guided tour of the RRI cabin at MAS. Amazing! Then the reception dinner.

The next morning we had planned to 'do' the LHB shatabdi from MAS to SBC which we thoroughly enjoyed. Met a professor of mine in the train! Spent some time in and around SBC area, then proceeded to YPR from where we were scheduled to take one of my favorite trains, the 7604 YPR-KCG express. Had fun in all the train rides. I wont bore you with further details.

The new year has been pretty good too. No major railfanning trips but then did a lot of air-fanning though. Both real and the virtual. The real included multiple visits to the RGIA at HYD, trips to Delhi, checking out DEL's newest and longest runway, flying over the Qutub Minar and in the virtual world tried my hand at running the Chai Biskut Airlines' on FB's Airline Manager game! Did a pretty decent job anyways..

The Delhi trip was made in mid Feb for the wedding of D's cousin; and even though it was fun, I had to miss the annual IRFCA Convention (at NRM) which took place just a week ahead of the wedding in Delhi itself. You can't keep away from work for more than a few days, can you?

On the personal front, Vidip's getting brattier and brattier by the day! He's now started to speak entire sentences and can co-relate stuff and he does it normally, meaning that Dad's kantri buddhhi hasn't been passed on to the next gen!

Work's getting busier and nice over the last few months and probably the last two summer months were the best of the lot. The only trouble was driving in the sweltering heat.

March-April also brought me in touch with long lost school friends after more than 15 years! Almost 10 of us met up one fine sunday evening and had a fantastic time. Found quite a few of them on FB and that was the icing on the cake.

The past month also featured the first 'official' bloggers meet that I've been to. The interesting thing was that I knew no one there and have now come in touch with quite a few. As for this blog, I've tried to host it on my personal webspace, installed wordpress and imported the blog. But then it did not really work out. So back to blogger, and have only linked my domain here. I'm still developing my main website and hope to have it up by mid-June.


The blog-title comes from the fact that I've dumped Windows from my desktop and am using Linux! Open office ain't too bad, GIMP is a touch tricky, MyPhoneExplorer does not work (even with Wine), and browsing's as easy as it could be on Windows, thanks to Chrome! Loving every bit of the experience!

I'm also heading to Mumbai for a conference next week and will be there from the 3rd to the 5th evening. Will head to Pune overnight and then taking the PUNE-SC Shatabdi on the 6th! Really looking forward to the amazing run. Praying to see some good crossings including some scissors on the run!

And thus, after a 6-month lull, Chai Biskut is back.. have fun!

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