September 04, 2012

Governmental Mahabharat !

A hilarious account of what happens in this country!

A Team comprising of a Writer, a Producer, a Director, etc applied to the Government of India for financial assistance with the script to produce a Movie on Mahabharata.

All of them committed suicide later and the reason will be very obvious once you have read the reply from Govt.

Dated ............ .........

Subject: Mahabharata

To: The Writer, Film Director & Film Producer, Mumbai

Ref: Film story submitted by you, regarding financing of films by Government of India , Your letter dt. ............ . ......... .

The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a film called ''Mahabharat' . The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments and have formed definitive opinions about the script. Their observations are as below:

1. In the script submitted by you it is shown that there were two sets of cousins, namely, the Kauravas, numbering one hundred, and the Pandavas, numbering five. The Ministry of Health and Family Welfare has pointed out that these numbers are high, well above the norm prescribed for families by them It is brought to your kind attention that when the Government is spending huge amounts for promoting family planning, this will send wrong signals to the public. Therefore, it is recommended that there may be only three Kauravas and one Pandava.

2. The Ministry of Parliamentary Affairs has raised an issue whether it is suitable to depict kings and emperors in this democratic age. Therefore, it is suggested that the Kauravas may be depicted as Honourable Members of Parliament (Lok Sabha) and the Pandava maybe depicted as Honourable Member of Parliament (Rajya Sabha). The ending of the film shows the victory of the said Pandavas over the said Kauravas. The ending may be suitably modified so that neither of the Honourable Members of Parliament are shown as being inferior to the other.

3. The Ministry of Science and Technology has observed that the manner of birth of Kauravas is suggestive of human cloning, a technology banned in India . This may be changed to normal birth.

4. The National Commission for Women has objected that the father of Pandavas, one Sri Pandu is depicted as bigamous, and also there is only one wife for the Pandavas in common. Therefore suitable changes maybe made in the said script so that the said Sri Pandu is not depicted as bigamous. However, with the reduction in number of Pandavas as suggested above, the issue of polyandry can be addressed without further trouble.

5. The Commission for the Physically Challenged has observed that the portrayal of the visually impaired character 'Dhritharastra' is derogatory. Therefore the said character may not be shown as visually impaired.

6. The Department of Women and Child Development have highlighted that the public disrobing of one female character called 'Draupadi' is objectionable and derogatory to women in general. Further the Home Ministry anticipates that depiction of such scenes may create law and order problem and at the same time invite strong protests from the different women forums. Such scenes may also invite penal action under SITA (Suppression of Immoral Traffic Act), therefore they may be avoided and deleted from the film.

7. It is felt that showing the Pandava and the Kauravas as gamblers will be anti-social and counter-productive as it might encourage gambling. Therefore, the said Pandava and Kauravas may be shown to have engaged in horse racing. (Hon. Supreme Court has held horse racing not to be gambling)

8. The Pandavas are shown as working in the King Virat's employment without receiving any salary. According to the Human Rights Commission, this amounts to bonded labour and may attract provisions of The Bonded Labour System (Abolition) Act, 1976. This may be corrected at once.

9. In the ensuing war, one character by name Sri Abhimanyu has been shown as fighting. The National Labour Commission has observed that, war being a hazardous industry, and the said character being 16 years old, this depiction will be construed as a case of child labour. Also there is no record of his being paid any compensation. This may also be deemed to be violatory of the provisions of The Child Labour (Prohibition and Regulation) Act, 1986 and Minimum Wages Act, 1948. Such references in the film may be removed.

10. The character 'Sri Krishna' has been depicted as wearing a peacock feather. The peacock is our National Bird and wearing dresses made from peacock feather is an offence under the Wild Life Protection Act, 1972. This may not be depicted.

11. Smt Maneka Gandhi has raised very serious objection for using any elephants or horses in war scenes, since there is every scope for mistreatment and injury to the said animals. The provisions of the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act, 1890 and Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (Amendment) Act, 1960 would be applicable in the instant case. Suitable changes may be made in the script to address the objections raised.

12. In pursuance of the Memorandum of Ministry of Finance regarding austerity measures, it is informed that in the battle field sequences, only ten soldiers may be allowed for each side. Also, all the characters may be shown to have obtained a valid licence under the Arms Act, 1959 as well as the Indian Arms Act, 1878.You are therefore requested to modify the script along the lines indicated above and resubmit it to the undersigned at the earliest for reconsideration.


Under Secretary

This was received as an email forward. Original writer unknown! Read, Enjoy, Share!

August 23, 2012

The ''Just Married, Please Excuse'' Contest

Yashodhara, whose blogs I often read silently, is out with a book with the above quoted title and she's now up with a contest for we bloggers. And since I've been itching to pen something on this blog for quite sometime, I guess rejigging some old memories would result in no harm!

This was just a week after our wedding after all the requisite customs were done with. We finally got the green signal for our honeymoon. I was pretty much sure I did not want to go abroad for one, as there were so many places to discover in this magnificient country of ours. And well - on a honeymoon - sight-seeing is best done indoors! So Simla it was. And being December, it would be lovely cozying up in the chill!

Being a railway fanatic, I wanted to book up a First AC coupe on a Rajdhani, but the idea of a 24 hour journey on train was vehemently and unceremoniously vetoed and so I think we flew Indigo from Hyderabad to Delhi. The better half was in a good mood, having gotten over the million rituals and away from the maddening crowd. The fact that I consciously prevented my eyes from darting towards the air-hostesses helped. The two hour flight was spent in whispering sweet nothings and getting her toe-ring jewelry off the feet and into the hand bag!

Wifey never was nor is a fan of road journeys. And that helped the railfan in me. She agreed to travel from Delhi to Kalka by a regular train and of course she easily agreed to do the scenic Kalka-Simla Narrow guage train run by the Shivalik Deluxe!

When I entered the Old Delhi railway station for the first time, I pinched myself and confirmed that I was still on earth and not yet in hell. I could just imagine what wifey was going through. Anways, we waded past the fish-market that the station had become and finally reached the spot where our train was supposed to land up! Now, we were booked up on the overnight run of the Kalka Mail that would its way from Howrah to Delhi. This train is a treat for a railfan what with its multiple change-of-configurations and loco changes. It arrived with a dirty red Howrah WAP-4 loco and I was disappointed. I was expecting the state-of-art brand new white monster WAP-7 loco that had been recently added to the Indian Railway's fleet. The loco was allotted to sheds in North and East India initially and I'd never ever seen one with my eyes down south. I took the disappointment of not having that loco with a positive view of getting to have more of wifey in my thoughts than the loco and boarded the train with a smile. Wifey had strictly instructed me not to leave her for a minute and since I did not want to disappoint her, I made myself forget that I was a railway enthusiast.

We chatted till late in the night and then dozed off. We were a little late when we reached Kalka, but there was more than half an hour left for Shivalik's departure. Just when we had disembarked from the Mail, came the melodious tones of the loco. It was not a sound I was familiar with. It was a new loco. And there I spot it.. a white loco at the head of the rake. Wifey, wait a minute; and off I ran with my camera and immersed myself in the pleasure of having seen my first WAP-7 loco when there was another short tweet from across the platforms! Ah, the puny little sky blue ZDM-4 which was to haul our Shivalik to Simla!

I returned to the wife to find a different woman there. Smile on face and twinkle in the eye replaced by frown on face and anger in the eye! The love was left on the broad guage track and the sulk had joined us on our journey up the narrow!

Lips sealed, smoke bellowing from the ears, killer looks from the eyes was what wifey threw at me. I must have said a thousand sorrys as the Shivalik wound its way through the pine covered hills and dark tunnels. The night lamps were going off as the day broke and the sun shone ever so lightly onto the large windows of the D4 coach of the Shivalik.

The Shivalik has only one halt on its entire run and that is at Barog, a wonderful station! The weather was brilliantly bright and it was extremely cold. Then they served hot breakfast on the train. That did the trick and the frown returned to her bag and the smile came out!  Simla provided us another great treat. It received its first snowfall of the season the day we reached!

Wifey still freaks out when reminded of this incident! She says that I left a newly wed wife for an hour and went away somewhere! A lil exaggeration is fine I guess, if it brings a smile on her face.

Please excuse, I was just married. But been a railfan since years!

July 05, 2012

I. Ill.

I. Ill.

Cold. Cough. Body pain. Fever.

April 14, 2012

Ambedkarism, my foot!

The Father of the Great Indian Constitution must be turning in his grave today at the sight of the gross distortion of his ideals in making our society abolish the medieval and archaic system of untouchability and low castes.

What Ambedkar wanted was equality for all.

What Ambedkar wanted was abolishment of caste system.

What Ambedkar wanted was brotherhood amongst all.

What Ambedkar wanted was a society that was one.

He drafted the constitution with an aim to do just that, bring about a reign of equality.

But man being man and the politician being the politician he is, distorted all of Baba Saheb's ideals for his selfish benefit and made the term equality vanish from our society. Ambedkar wanted all castes to be equal; our politicians want them divided. They create a vote-bank of upper, lower, middle, left, right, centre and what all type of castes are possible, lure them into fighting against their own brethren.

A couple of screenshots from the Indian Constitution's official website.

The Preamble promises to secure Equality of Status and Opportunity to all citizens.

The Fundamental Right to Equality mentions Prohibition of Discrimination on grounds of caste and Equality of opportunity in matters of public employment.

This was the vision of the Great Baba Saheb.

Today's politicians have completely changed that. For their own selfish means, they have brought about the Reservation revolution. They have divided the country on basis of caste and religion. They have created the General class, the backward castes and the scheduled ones. They have removed equality of citizens in all areas and created a discriminatory scenario across the country.

Two kids who geow up together sharing all joys and sorrows suddenly find themselves in a couldron of inequality. One from a Backward caste and one Forward. Supposedly. In all other aspects they are equal. They look similar, they grew up similarly, their parents are similarly educated and employed. They reside in similar apartments. They drive the same model of car.

Entrance exam time. Equality. Both get very similar ranks.

Admission time. Gross inequality. One gets a plum seat in a posh college, the other relegated to a non-descript one on the city outskirts with limited facilities. Is this equality? Is this what the Father of the constitution envisaged?

You have created a barrier when there was none, you bloody politicians.

You have no right to celebrate the Great Baba Saheb and his Jayanti.

I dare the Supreme Court, which passes random orders taking into cognisance petty news articles to do anything in this regard. 

I know its wishful thinking. Baba Saheb did not know that!