September 25, 2010

The 3 Idiot's Condom

Teacher: "What Is A Condom?"

Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hain

Teacher: "Aap Itna Muskura Kyu Rahe Ho?"

Aamir: "Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se Iccha Thi Ki Main Sex Education College Mein Padhu! Aaj Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai"

Teacher: "Zyada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai, Condom Ki Definition Bolo?"

Aamir: "Sir! Condom Is Anything Which Reduces Population"

Teacher: "Will U Plz Elaborate?"

Aamir: "Har Wo Cheez Jo Population Control Kare!"

"Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai, Condom Hai Na"

"Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak, Condom Hai Sir"

"Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire Hue Hai"

"8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh Tak, Sab Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai"

"1 Second Mein In, 1 Second Mein Out, In-Out, In-Out"

Teacher: "Arre… Defination Kya Hai?"

Aamir: "Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir"

Teacher: "Exam Mein Ye Sab Likhoge?"

"Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak! Idiot"

"Anybody Else??"

Chattur: "Sir!, Condom Are Between Any Combination Of Body So Connected, That Their Relative Positions May Be Seen In Kamasutra.."

Teacher: "Wah! Kya Baat Hai."

September 23, 2010

Hey Ram !


Every Tom, Dick, Harry, Sally and Moose are airing their views on what the Hon'ble Court's verdict on the Ayodhya dispute should be come Sep 24. Currently all the news channels are busy bashing Kalmadi, Fennel & Co, and very soon are gonna change tracks and run towards the land of God! So before they come up with their warped up news and views, here are mine.

My views are pretty well shown in the above sign. I'd prefer to have neither a temple nor a mosque at the disputed side. Build a completely free charitable multi-specialty hospital at the site catering to all religions and strata of the society. I'm pretty sure both Allah and Lord Rama will approve my designs!

I'm willing to come and work there if that happens...

September 21, 2010

September 14, 2010

How Jews got the Ten Commandments


 

God went to the Arabs and said,   " I have Commandments for you, that will make your lives better " 

The Arabs asked,   " What are Commandments   ?   Can you give us an example   ? "

God said,   " For example ........... Thou shall not kill " 

The Arabs were shocked,   " What   ?   Not kill   ?   No way   !   Killing and massacaring innocent people is our birth-right and the only reason for our existence.  No.  We are not interested "

So God went to the Africans and said,   " I have Commandments "

The Africans wanted an example.

God said,   " For example ........... Honor thy Father and Mother " 

The Africans were dismayed.  They said,   " Father   ?   Yo maan   !   Can't tell for sure, who our fathers are, maan   ! "

So God went to the Mexicans and said,   " I have Commandments " 

The Mexicans wanted an example.

God said,   " For example ........... Thou shall not steal "

The Mexicans were flabbergasted.  They said,   " No steal   ?   No steal   ???   Hey Senor, we no steal then how we live, huh   ?   Gracias, but no   ! "

So God went to the French and said,   " I have Commandments "

The French wanted an example.

God said,   " For example ........... Thou shall not commit adultery "

The French were stunned.  They said,   " What  ?    Not commit  ze  adultery ....... ?   Non, Non, Non.   Non Monsieur.   Pardonnez nous.   We  ze  French, must have ze romance "

So God went to the Jews and said,   " I have Commandments "

They asked,   " Commandments   ?    How much do they cost   ? "

God replied,   " They are free "

The Jews answered,   " Good.  We shall take Ten  !!! "


September 03, 2010

Techno-wish!

Indivine wants our imagination to go wild, so here we go!




No, not just a simple MP3/MP4 player. I envisage a wrist watch thats much much more!

  • A hidden pane which can be pulled out to be 4x6 inches in size for better viewing.

  • All features of a fast computer including receivers for Wi-fi 1Gbps high speed internet, real-time voice-guided video GPS and navigation showing realtime videos of any spot on earth. 

  • Enabled to connect 24x7 to the internet at high speeds for cloud computing eliminating the need for internal disk space. Connects to a centralised server which stores all data plus biometric personal information of the owner like Credit card, Bank details, PAN, UID, etc

  • Can be remote charged through a Bluetooth-enabled wireless plugin-in adapter which would fit into any electric socket.

  • Has two projectable sources, one of which (on side 1) can project a short range keyboard onto a flat surface, while the other (on side 3) high power projector acts as an LCD projector which can project on any wall, turning the device into a television, home-theatre, etc

  • Built-in Internet protocol television viewer cum recorder which can not only play but also record any program in the background on any channel at any time for viewing at a later date!

  • Hi-fi sound blasting speakers & microphone in-built (side 2)

  • The fourth side has a microwave projector which can emit microwave radiation of varying intensities and when dangled from a wall/roof mounted position onto any cooking utensil, can provide enough microwave energy to act like a regular convection microwave oven.

  • The microwave radiation would also act similar to radio waves, thereby acting as a short to medium range (2-5km) radio station of its own. Can be used as a communication device like a walkie talkie. 

  • The upper surface of course would be a full touch screen with the hidden pane of course!

  • The lower surface would be a one-point sensor for the human body and would contain a special plate which could detect all parameters of the body like Complete Blood picture, Blood Sugar, Blood pressure, Serum electrolytes, Blood gas analysis, Lipid profile, and work like an ECG monitor cum Pulse oximeter just by wearing it on the wrist.

  • The microwave radiation can also be used as a machine to stimulate a new type of technology which would replace conventional Computerised Tomography (CT Scan) and Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI). This will be a real time 4D video image and can be transmitted to the doctor's device within seconds along with other relevant medical vital statistics.

  • The microwave radiation would also be able to transmit screen image onto a paper or a transparency thus becoming a printer in its own right.

  • When it has soooo much, it also has a biometric fool proof individualised security system and goes into shut down mode as soon as it goes into unwanted hands. A second level of security blocks all personal details when in the hands of known family members allowing them use of selected features.

  • Ok, I just forgot.. it works as a video GSM/IP phone too, with that literally invisible DSLR high-res cam hidden behind the screen, which can also double up as a conventional cum barcode type specialised scanner !

Like the device? Vote for it HERE !!

Want more in the device? Comment downstairs!


Link